how solo camping made me feel empowered

This year has been the year we've all changed in some way, and for me, I started doing something I was always too afraid to do: solo camp.

Solo camping for me, conjures up ideas of dark, cold,  scary conditions that would only feel safe if a man was with me. However, still yearning for exploration and being in a pandemic, I had to go it alone. 

My first trek took 2 days. I walked from my home to kinder scout. It was hard. I mean, HARD. I ended up injuring myself from the load I was carrying on my back (note to self: buy a lighter tent!) and I didn't sleep well for fear of being intruded upon. (Hello to 2 hrs of sleep!) However, what did happen was a wave of self accomplishment. I realised: I was letting a fear stop me from doing what I really loved. And quite possibly, I could do a lot better at alleviating that fear.

So! I packed my bags again and walked straight back into that fear with more protection: a whistle, an alarm and a spray that leaves an attacker with red ink on their skin for 7 days. The power was more in my hands this time, and I felt more responsible for my own safety. 

This time, I managed to get 5 hours of sleep, with -3 degree temperatures waking me up. I had also realised, that nobody wants to be up there on a mountain at -3 degrees, where you can't feel your toes. I felt better in knowing that no bad soul who would want to hurt me would be walking around in these parts at night. I realised this when running around in my pajamas before sunset, when not a soul could be seen. I was entirely on my own. It felt good, freeing and powerful as a young woman.

so, I had taken power back whilst keeping safe and letting people know where I was. What next ? 

That feeling of independence and self love. That I was doing something simply for myself, and because I loved being there in the present moment. That I could be able to organise myself enough to get out my own house and do this on my own !

The feeling that I could do something at my own pace, with no one to keep up with. People I have walked with in the past have complained about how slow I walk. But now, I could take things at my own pace and enjoy each step! It was peaceful and relaxing, not pressuring anymore:)

That feeling of having everything I'll need on my back. 

The feeling that the world is my home

the feeling of love that my friends give when they make sure I'm safe back home 

The stillness of nature 

I still get fearful in some settings, as a woman might when walking around alone late at night might. However, doing something like this as safely as possible felt like I took power back from the narrative of fear I had built within myself, whilst building a separate, more independent and adventurous self at the same time.